Friday, July 29, 2011

What's Your Version of Forever?




It's always sad to hear unhappy marriage stories. I know some married people, living a life of mediocrity. I'd like to think that I'm a good listener and a sound advisor lest they won't dare share some of the most private things in life. The problems vary from financial crisis, to nosey in-laws, dissatisfaction with their sex lives, infidelity, down to basic incompatibility (you'll never believe how toothpaste triggers quarrels each day). The gravity, the characters and the scenarios differ, but I noticed that the end result remain the same. They hold on to what the majority approves.

For one, a giflfriend who's been married for 8 years, told me she doesn't enjoy making love to her husband anymore. When I told her there's professional help (sex therapists) around, she looked at me like I'm a porn star and dismissed the idea. She said it will offend her husband, and she's too shy to let someone, even a doctor, pry into their bedroom life. Sure, I get the shy part. But really, married for 8 years and you can't even tell your husband he's not a sex machine and they need help?

A guy friend resorted to extramarital activities, because after two kids and a stressful banking career, his wife became boring in bed. He vowed that he loves his wife, and all he wanted from his girlfriends is physical satisfaction. Of course I didn't buy the idea. Recently, his wife found out about his infidelity, made a scene, gave him a curfew and went back to their perfect married lives.

A relative's husband refuses to sell the car despite piling debts, another friend's wife doesn't like to have a child. Not a married tale but a former boss, with all her money and brilliant career, goes to sleep alone in her posh condominium each day because she's in love with a married man - who married his wife for political ambitions.

The stories get nastier, and it saddens me to see that reality is indeed uglier than fiction. I'm in no position to judge how they choose to live their lives, so all I do is strive to be a dependable but objective friend. I tell them what I think from out of the box, some options that might help, and the fact that we're friends, what kind of shit they're in.

I have the highest regard for marriage and the people who are brave enough to take their relationships to the next level. To a point of no return, to forever. I'm amazed on how much they are capable of forgiving, of loving unconditionally, of sticking to the plan.

I don't think I have it in me, or maybe I don't have a clue yet. All I know is that I can't forgive an unfaithful boyfriend, so why on earth should I get a husband? Until I'm convinced that I can love unconditionally, and not search for the door for every red flag raised, then I'm staying right where I am. And where I am right now can be my version of forever.

Appreciate your thoughts, nothing's right or wrong! :)


From the Nook,
Dang


5 comments:

  1. The only thing constant in life is change. If this is so, is there a word forever? But am crossing my fingers mine turns out to be forever - all I can do is hope and wish and pray. -Mar

    Btw, am hosting my first giveaway with a beautiful neck piece inspired from the House of Harlow at stake. Hope you can join! - Mar
    http://notyourordinarybeautyqueen.blogspot.com/

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  2. Ive actually been thinking a lot of about this myself lately. I was married when I was 22. Married for 3 years in an okay marriage but knew I had settled and that I could have more. Divorce. Met another man and after 4 years of dating, we're now married for 2. And there wasn't anything at all wrong and I was happy but I've met someone else. What is wrong with me? Am I just restless and not meant to be married, to be tied down? I know marriage CAN work-my parents have a perfect marriage. So what's wrong with me who's been given such a great example?

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  3. I, too, have the highest regard for marriage. I believe that it a married couple should always be right for each other, marry only with love, harmony and hardwork in their minds, and treat each other with the outmost respect.

    It's wonderful to have a beautiful marriage with a dignified and intelligent man you love and respect and want to take care of, but it will be a forever ongoing nightmare if you marry too prematurely and end up with a despicable person who will never bring the best in you.

    Thank you for posting this, I'm glad to read someone who has the same wavelength as me towards this topic.

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  4. This is a sad but honest post. And what's even sadder is that everything you said is true and these things really happen to people...

    I admire people like you because you are strong enough to resist, to turn around and refuse to conform with what seems to have become a banality. You know what I always tell people? I blame most of the infidelity that's become so rampant nowadays to the AMERICANS because they make cheating, womanizing and unfaithfulness COOL in their songs, music videos, movies and television shows. I am not saying that they invented it, but by making it SEEM COOL, "follower" Filipinos seem to think that living by their rules is the right thing to do --- and I HATE IT!

    Technology has made it easier for people to cheat, as well. Mobile phones, social networking sites, emails and chatrooms --- arrrrrrgh!
    So yeah, I blame the Americans! Hahahaha!

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  5. @Mar: Each one of us has our own story, so it's never wrong to dream of forever. :) Lots of love to you, beauty queen! :)

    @Anonymous: Thanks for sharing your thoughts and your personal story. I guess we just all need to wait for the perfect time and moment, don't rush and just conform. Good luck to us! :)

    @Aicha: I've been judged so many times for having ideas that go against the tide, so I guess blogging about it is the perfect way to reach out. ;) Thank you for sharing my views. Cheers!

    @Crix: Thank you, it's not always easy to go against the norm, but I stand by it. :) And I laughed about blaming it to Americans ha, because we used to have an RnB/HipHop bar, and that's what I always tell my man. Why all the songs are about women, sex, drugs, cheating, etc.??? Negativity! :P

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I'd love to hear what you think. Fire away!