Wednesday, January 28, 2015

What I Learned Today: Self Gratitude


VIA
I'm typing in haste to log a powerful conversation with my closest girlfriends. We are miles apart but I feel closer to them more than ever. Distance really makes people closer, I love the irony.

One of the girls got a recognition from her Uni in the Philippines for her achievement in economics and banking (she's based in Melbourne), and finally received the blessing of her soon-to-be mom-in-law. She struggled with the relationship for years, and to be honest, I would have bailed out of the relationship if it was me. But not her, she remained good and understanding, accepted criticisms, no matter how hurtful, with forgiveness and in silence. She retaliated not with anger but goodness, all the time, every single day, until they finally reached the gates of reconciliation. Love works! 

Another friend shared a budding romance, which she described in a way so unlike her previous relationships. She's excited yet composed, and in the context of how God wants her to love and be loved. At last, she's realized what I've been telling her endlessly over wine dates and sleepovers, that she deserved SO MUCH MORE. And her "so much more" is finally here. To say that I'm happy for her is an understatement. I should send a thank you note to heaven!

Then there's another friend who just came back from a trip to the mountains of Sagada, where she spent most days doing what locals do, opening her eyes to majestic greens you'll only see in the Philippines and drinking local brew on the porch of a cozy cabin. I guess the time did her good...and bad. She shared how she thought about her worries and fears that she's running late in the race of life. How her mom had three kids before turning 30, and there she was, in a loving relationship but no plans of marriage, kids, whatsoever.

Of course I had to speak up. I always do! I told them how I can perfectly relate to the dreadful moments when you start to question a lot of things in your life. Am I where I'm supposed to be? Did I make the right decisions? Am I financially free? Why did I choose this over that? Why am I so stubborn? Going against the tide puts me in trouble. Am I capable of having a family, more so, raising kids? I don't even have plans of getting married anytime soon! Am I eating enough veggies? Am I prepared to die?

It all sounded too familiar and the nurturer in me kicked in. I told my friends how proud I am of all their individual achievements, that I think they are doing amazing in their lives. I assured them that beyond my strong facade, I slip into emotional coma too, and we shouldn't be ashamed to admit it. 

I remembered an ex-colleague whom I envied professionally. She told me how proud she is of my so-called bravery in taking risks, stretching my capabilities and embarking on challenging journeys. How she's not too sure if she can be as brave, as risky and as unconventional. Then it dawned on me, we are so unforgiving, so unappreciative when it comes to one person - our self! We fail to recognize the goodness that other people see in us. We don't collect our blessings, we only count the mishaps. We always compare and measure ourselves against the lives of others. We think lowly of our achievements, we feel undeserving. This has to stop. For once, we have to learn to thank ourselves. To take pride in what we have achieved so far, big or small. Acknowledge praises. Celebrate victories. Let go! Let's forgive our shortcomings, and let it change us for the better. 

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